Confidence and self-awareness in female managers

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

When I was in corporate, we'd promote people from high achiever to leader and assume a magic transformation would happen - that they'd suddenly feel comfortable delegating, coaching and watching others struggle without stepping in. Today I led about 150 women (virtually) from the Women in Electronics organization through four key tools to shift from high achiever to strategic leader. Here’s some strategies to make the shift: ▫️Notice your payoff from doing. The thrill of achievement provides a quick dopamine hit (helper’s high!). But that’s something you need to resist to get to the greater fulfillment of patiently coaching others to improve. ▫️Get out of the overwhelm cycle It’s hard to build sustainable confidence if you are overworked and overwhelmed. Ask yourself: Am I overwhelmed because it’s just easier and quicker to do it myself? What low-stakes tasks can I delegate where it’s okay for people to make (and learn) from mistakes? ▫️Stop overusing empathy. Being an empathetic leader is a key skill! But overusing empathy to the point we rush in and protect and save our team from disappointments and challenges is overusing empathy to the point of being disempowering. Can you be comfortable with allowing them to struggle a bit as they learn something new? Remember, when you overfunction, you allow others around you to underfunction. #womenleaders #confidence #careers #leadershipdevelopment

When you’ve worked so hard to reach the top, why does self-doubt creep in even stronger? For many successful women leaders, loneliness and isolation at the top can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, commonly known as imposter syndrome. Even the most accomplished leaders get affected by this. As I climbed the ladder in my leadership journey, I expected to find greater confidence and validation. However, reaching the top brought about an unsettling mix of self-doubt and isolation. The paradox of feeling successful yet profoundly disconnected. Looking back, I can see some of the things that fuelled this sense of disconnect. This included lack of relatable peers locally (being CEO at 32),, the increased pressure to build on the work of my predecessor, fewer opportunities for honest reflection with trusted peers, and the absence of a sounding board to bounce off the high stakes decisions. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent part of leadership. As woman in leadership, you can combat both isolation and imposter syndrome by building intentional support networks and seeking mentors who can relate to their unique struggles. So, in addition to the list from yesterday, here are a few more on some of the ways to reclaim your confidence and connection. 1. Engaging in women's leadership groups. Professional groups focused on women in leadership provide spaces to connect with others who understand the specific challenges of being a woman at the top. These communities offer valuable reassurance and validation that help women combat feelings of inadequacy and gain strength from shared experiences. Some of the communities I have seen here on LinkedIn include The Ladies Book Breakfast Forum, WOMEN IN HR KENYA, and Women On Boards Network Kenya among others. Search for your industry group and be part of its activities and engagements. 2. Seek out mentorship   A trusted mentor can be a powerful ally against imposter syndrome. By connecting with someone who has walked a similar path, you can gain perspective from someone else's own journey and learn strategies to manage self-doubt. Mentorship also helps reinforce their accomplishments and provides guidance, helping them see themselves as competent and capable. 3. Finally, practice self-validation techniques.   Journaling, self-affirmations, or setting aside time to celebrate achievements can help counter the negative self-talk that loneliness and imposter syndrome trigger. Remember who you are. Recognize and acknowledge personal wins, no matter how small. These help to foster your confidence and reduces reliance on external validation. In this journey, success and self-belief can thrive together. Imposter syndrome can make the journey to success feel lonely and filled with self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. What are other networks available here on LinkedIn? Tag and help a sister 😀 #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment #

Do you think women are less confident than men? This is a question I sometimes ask audiences during my keynotes. Fascinatingly, though that used to be true, recent research has shown that male and female leaders rate themselves similarly. But even though women aren’t less confident than men, we face a different challenge: we tend to underestimate how OTHERS see us. This might result in (unintentionally) holding ourselves back. If someone doesn’t believe others value her, she could be more cautious about applying for a new job, putting herself in for a promotion, or asking for a raise. Here’s one way we can all get a more accurate picture of our strengths and contributions through the eyes of others: The Reflected Best Self Exercise ✔️ Identify at least eight people from different parts of your life—current or former colleagues, employees, supervisors, friends, family, etc. ✔️ Send them an email asking when they have seen you at your best, including a few specific examples. ✔️ Once you receive responses, review them to identify key themes and patterns. ✔️ Then, compose a self-portrait of who you are at your best through the eyes of others. It is vital for women to understand what others see as their defining strengths and contributions. It requires a bit of effort and an open mind, but in so doing, we can begin to remove any self-imposed constraints preventing us from putting ourselves forward for bigger, better opportunities. #confidence #selfawareness #womeninleadership

“I knew my stuff and I still got talked over.” The brutally honest truth about what it takes for women to command respect in the room. She had the deck. She had the metrics. She had the vision. Five minutes into the pitch, one of the VCs interrupted her. Then another tried to “reframe” her idea like it wasn’t already clear. By the end of the meeting, she had presented everything perfectly But walked out thinking: “Why didn’t they take me seriously?” That’s from someone I connected with right here. ⸻ Here’s the truth I wish someone had told her: Being great isn’t always enough. Especially if you don’t fit the default picture of what a “leader” looks like in that room. If you’ve already heard all the advice— ✔ “Be confident” ✔ “Own your space” ✔ “Know your worth” …yet you still struggle to command respect, it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. But you might be focusing in the wrong places. So here’s what I tell the women I work with: ⸻ ➤ ➤ ➤ 1. Stop Chasing Respect From the Wrong People If someone walks in with baked-in bias, you won’t argue your way into their respect. Don’t give their opinion more weight than it deserves. Seek out allies, not approval. ⸻ ➤ ➤ ➤ 2. Project What You Want Reflected Back Confidence isn’t a personality trait, it’s a practice. Watch how you speak, sit, pause, and pitch. Rehearse. Record. Refine. You don’t need to fake it, but you do need to train it. ⸻ ➤ ➤ ➤ 3. Don’t Borrow Someone Else’s Leadership Style You don’t have to “act like a guy” to lead like a boss. Command respect in a way that’s true to who you are, clear, calm, direct. Conviction is more powerful than volume. ⸻ ➤ ➤ ➤ 4. Use Power Moves (That Don’t Make You a Jerk) If someone cuts you off: “Hold on, I wasn’t finished.” If they go quiet: Let them sit in the silence. Authority is in the micro-behaviors. ⸻ ➤ ➤ ➤ 5. Build a Respect-First Circle If respect isn’t landing in the boardroom, start with one-on-one conversations, early hires, mentors. You get better at commanding respect by practicing where the stakes are lower, then scaling it. ⸻ Here’s the part I want you to remember: You’re not the problem. But you are the solution. If you’ve ever walked out of a room wondering why they didn’t take you seriously, don’t carry that as self-doubt. Carry it as a signal: It’s time to stop asking for respect and start expecting it. 👇 What’s ONE thing you’ve done that helped you go from being heard to being respected? ♻️ If this landed repost your network.

Let me share what I believe are powerful actions for boosting your self-awareness and confidence in 2025, based on my experience working with leaders just like you: ✔️Start a "Quiet Wins" practice Take 5 minutes each evening to write down one small victory from your day. Maybe it's staying composed when a team member challenged you, or speaking up in that meeting despite feeling nervous. These daily notes build a powerful record of your growth. ✔️ Schedule regular reflection time Book 30 minutes in your calendar each week (I do mine on Friday mornings) to ask yourself: What made me proud this week? Which conversation could I handle differently next time? Where did I show strength I didn't know I had? ✔️Create confidence evidence Start collecting positive feedback, successful outcomes, and moments of growth in one place. I keep mine in a simple notes file on my phone. When self-doubt creeps in, this becomes your proof of capability. ✔️ Practice difficult conversations Choose one challenging interaction each week to plan and handle with intention. Maybe it's giving constructive feedback or addressing a team conflict. Each conversation builds your leadership muscles. ✔️ Set boundaries around your energy Notice when you're saying "yes" out of habit rather than choice. Start small - perhaps declining one non-essential meeting each week or setting aside focused work time without interruptions. Remember, building confidence isn't about massive changes - it's about small, consistent actions that compound over time. I see this with my clients all the time - those tiny shifts in how they show up each day lead to remarkable transformations by the year's end. Which of these actions resonates most strongly with you? I'd love to hear which one you'll try first. #action #newyear #success #work #sme

This past weekend, I spoke about career planning and how "Confidence Opens Doors, But Self-Efficacy Helps You Walk Through Them." Did you know that women often underestimate their abilities, even when they're highly qualified? This confidence gap can hold them back from reaching their full potential. How often have you been told, “Just be more confident” or "Believe in yourself"? Confidence can be helpful, but it doesn’t always drive lasting success. My research shows that self-efficacy—the belief that your efforts will lead to success—enhances leadership development and moves careers forward. Think about a time when you hesitated and didn’t apply for a job, even though you were confident in your skills. Now, think of a time when you felt nervous but applied anyway. Or when someone said you could not achieve something, but you decided to bet on yourself. That’s self-efficacy in action. Confidence is believing you can. Self-efficacy is believing your actions will make a difference. Unfortunately, barriers like imposter syndrome and gender bias often cause women to hesitate. Self-efficacy shifts the focus from doubt to action, no matter the challenge. Coaches play a key role in helping women develop self-efficacy—not by simply offering encouragement but by providing strategies and tools that reinforce action and resilience. If you're working with a coach, this is a great conversation to bring up – ask them how they can help you specifically strengthen your self-efficacy. Because when you believe your efforts will lead to success, you'll be amazed at what you can achieve. For coaches – #executivecoach, #careercounselor, #careercoach or #lifecoach – if you're dedicated to empowering women, the SHAPE Career Assessment Certification offers a proven framework and practical tools to help your clients take action and dial up their self-efficacy. Learn how integrating the SHAPE Career Framework can empower your clients to navigate challenges and own their success: https://lnkd.in/eM7mJJW4

It's fascinating how often the topic of confidence arises in my coaching sessions, no matter who I'm working with. Lawyers, executives, powerful women leaders, it still comes up. I have always defaulted to "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman on this topic, and their findings on the gender confidence gap are just as much true now as ever. The tendency for women to underestimate their abilities while men often overestimate theirs, coupled with workplace evaluation biases, has a significant impact. We see these actions and internalize the differences. So then, it becomes hard to believe confidence is a 𝗦𝗞𝗜𝗟𝗟, not a born feature, cultivated through practice – by acting your way into feeling more confident. This week, I'm sharing a few "Confidence Boosters" inspired by these insights:  𝟭. 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: The Confidence Code emphasizes that confident individuals aren't necessarily perfect, but they are willing to act despite their fears and potential for mistakes. They understand that action often precedes confidence. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Stop waiting for the "perfect" moment or feeling completely ready. Identify one small step you can take towards a goal you've been putting off. Even imperfect action builds momentum because you are being intentional about what you want to do and why.      𝟮. 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰: Our internal dialogue plays a significant role in shaping our confidence. Negative self-talk can be a major confidence killer. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Pay attention to your thoughts. When you notice negative or self-deprecating statements, challenge them. Ask yourself: Is this thought 100% true? Can you be absolutely certain that it is? Recognize and acknowledge your feelings, but instead of agreeing with them or fighting with them, get curious about where they might have come from and nurture yourself onwards.     𝟯. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: The pursuit of unattainable perfection can lead to paralysis and self-criticism. Confidence grows from acknowledging and celebrating small victories and learning from setbacks. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Shift your focus from achieving a flawless outcome to recognizing the effort you put in and the progress you make. Celebrate your small wins and view mistakes as learning opportunities. My first question when I've tried something that didn't go to plan, what did I learn? We are always learning.    Do you have any other practices to embody and embrace confidence? I would love to hear them!

"Can I actually change my personality?" 🤔 That was the question a smart, self-aware woman asked me on a discovery call yesterday. She wasn’t doubting what needed to change—she understood the shifts required to grow into executive leadership. She was doubting whether she could actually do it. And I get it. Because I asked myself that exact question years ago. 👩💼 As a former Director who got stuck in her “workhorse” ways, I knew I was ready for more… but I didn’t know how to be seen as a strategic leader. I thought being helpful, humble, and heads-down was just who I was. Sound familiar? You might be hearing feedback like: ➡️ “You need to be more visible.” ➡️ “Speak with more authority.” ➡️ “Own your wins.” And maybe the voice in your head says: 🙅♀️ That’s just not me 🙅♀️ I don’t want to brag 🙅♀️ I’m not the type to speak up unless I’m 100% sure 🙅♀️ I’m a team player, not a spotlight seeker Here’s what I’ve learned—personally and from coaching 500+ women into senior leadership: ✨ What we think of as “personality” is often just practiced behavior ✨ What feels natural is often what we've been rewarded for ✨ What we’ve been conditioned to do can feel like who we are But here’s the good news: 💡 Behaviors can be practiced 💡 Presence can be learned 💡 You can show up differently—without becoming someone else 👉 Executive presence isn’t a personality type. It’s not something you’re born with—it’s something you build. And yes— 👔 Some people, especially men, may have learned these behaviors earlier. They might have been encouraged to speak up, take risks, and lead loudly from a young age. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn them too. It doesn’t mean it’s too late. It just means we have to be more intentional. You can practice new ways of showing up. You can develop presence, confidence, and visibility. And you can do it in a way that still feels like you. This is about stepping into your full power— Not changing who you are, but expanding what’s possible! #womeninleadership #executivepresence #careeradvancement #identitywork #strategicleadership

👩🏿💼 Let’s talk about the quiet pressure so many women still feel at work: 👉🏿Be confident, but not too confident. 👉🏾Be authoritative, but still likable. 👉🏽Lead, but only in ways that feel familiar to others. A few years ago, the “girl boss” era promised empowerment. But what many of us experienced was something else entirely: pressure to lead like men, work like machines, and burn out trying to prove ourselves. 💡 That myth may not trend on social media anymore, but its impact still lingers. Only last week, I coached a talented manager who was simply exhausted, tired of working twice as hard, staying late, and always going the extra mile. Meanwhile, she watched her male colleagues come to meetings with no new ideas or innovation, yet they still seemed to be paid more and advancing faster. She confided, “Maybe their way is better. They do less, and somehow still get ahead.” Here’s what we now know: 🚫 Mimicking outdated leadership styles doesn’t work. ✅ True leadership is about self-awareness, not self-erasure. ✅ You earn trust and inspire action by being clear (about your values, your vision, your expectations), not by constantly trying to “perform” or prove your worth. The future of leadership isn’t male or female. It’s authentic. It's adaptive. And it honors the power of showing up fully as yourself. If you’ve ever felt like you had to shrink or shapeshift to succeed, you’re not alone. Let’s stop managing perceptions and start owning our leadership. How have you navigated the pressure to lead a certain way? Share your story below, I’d love to learn from your experiences. 📬 Tired of vague leadership advice? I send a biweekly newsletter for women ready to lead with intention. 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽 Link in the comments. #Leadership #AuthenticLeadership #WomenInLeadership #Burnout #CareerGrowth #LeadershipDevelopment #InclusiveLeadership