Handling Anger Constructively

The HEARTS Communication Method: My New Personal Framework for Constructive Communication During my son’s baseball game last weekend (during a very long inning), I started reflecting on how I show up in emotionally charged moments, with my family and at work. I realized I often fall into Drama Triangle (aka Karpman's Triangle), oscillating between feeling like a victim and then (feeling very justified in) becoming a persecutor. I wanted a better way—something constructive and relationship-centered. I ended up creating the HEARTS mnemonic. When I'm in an emotional space, I realize it's not about avoiding communication (which I often did in the past) but equipping myself with the right tools. The HEARTS method is my way of protecting and nurturing the relationships that I care about most, whether at home or work, even when my emotions run high. Here’s how it works: 💙 H: Honor the Relationship I will begin by affirming the relationship's importance. Acknowledge its value to me openly: "Our relationship is really important to me, and I know it is for you too." 🩶 E: Express Emotion State my feelings without blame: "I’m feeling really angry right now." This keeps the conversation authentic and transparent. 💚 A: Articulate Your Observation Describe the facts neutrally: "I noticed that the project deadline we agreed on wasn’t met." This keeps the focus on observable facts rather than assumptions. I could invite the other person to give me feedback on my observation; perhaps I misinterpreted what was happening. 💛 R: Reinforce Shared Value Connect to a core value: "Trust is crucial for us, and missing deadlines affects that trust." This step aligns the conversation with shared principles. It would be great if the other person is given space to agree to disagree that this truly is a shared value. 🩷 T: Take Action Invite collaboration on solutions: "How can we ensure this doesn’t happen again? Let’s align on a plan." This turns the conversation towards constructive steps. (This step explicitly and ideally invites two-way communication) 💗 S: Solidify Conclude by reaffirming commitment: "I’m excited for us to move forward together, aligned with our values and commitments." This reinforces the positive outcome of the discussion. (This step is also ideal with two-way communication) My central insight here is that it’s not about avoiding emotional conversations but approaching them with intention and a practical framework. I love that I now have a simple and easy—to—remember structure that I can leverage when I'm in an emotional space to communicate with the people I care about most. I am sharing it here to help you support your relationships, and would love your feedback to help me improve the model. (Pics of some of my relationships where I want to try the HEARTS model)

If you think swallowing anger will help you build healthy relationships, THINK AGAIN!! That's something I've learned the hard way. So many times, I've felt furious but chose to just swallow it down, thinking, "Let it go for now." But this isn't just about keeping the peace; it's about how repeated suppression of anger can actually warp our perspective, especially when forming new relationships. Science and psychology tell us that when we consistently suppress emotions like anger, it doesn't just disappear. It simmers, affecting our #mentalhealth and how we interact with others. This build-up of unexpressed emotion can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and can even harm our physical health. I've been through this cycle myself. I used to pride myself on being the person who never rocked the boat, always brushing off conflicts and letting things slide. It seemed easier that way. But over time, I noticed this habit was costing me. Friendships became strained, and new relationships were often viewed through a lens tinted with unaddressed resentment from the past. The turning point for me was realizing that acknowledging and expressing anger is crucial. It's not about lashing out or being confrontational. It's about acknowledging your feelings and addressing issues as they arise, in a constructive way. This might mean taking a moment to cool off before speaking, or finding a calm and rational way to express what's bothering you. The trick lies in understanding why we're angry and learning to communicate that in a healthy way. It's about breaking the cycle of suppression, which not only frees us from carrying the weight of unspoken frustrations but also paves the way for more honest and meaningful connections. So, the next time you feel that surge of anger, take a moment. Reflect on why you're feeling this way and consider the best way to express it. It's not just about maintaining relationships; it's about creating healthier, more authentic ones. #thegirlwithredbindi P.S.- I have started venting out in a healthier way. Recently, I felt frustrated at work. Instead of bottling it up, I went for a brisk walk. As I walked, I focused on my breathing and let my thoughts flow freely. This physical activity helped me calm down and later, I shared my concerns with my team in a constructive manner.

Reacting impulsively to hurtful remarks can be a cycle that traps us, especially in the high-pressure environment of the corporate world. But what if there's an alternative? Picture this: taking an emotional detour, finding balance and self-awareness. Imagine navigating the workplace with a sense of calm and poise, even when faced with challenging interactions. This is the journey of mindful non-reaction and its profound impact on your emotional well-being. In the fast-paced corporate world, getting caught in the trap of immediate reactions is easy. A colleague's critical comment or a tense meeting can trigger an impulsive response, leading to unnecessary conflict and stress. But by embracing mindful techniques, you can break this cycle and foster a more harmonious work environment. 𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞. 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞. When faced with a triggering moment, the first step is to pause. Take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to process the situation. This brief pause can be enough to prevent an impulsive reaction. Example: Imagine you're in a meeting, and a colleague makes a dismissive remark about your project. Instead of immediately defending yourself or reacting with frustration, take a moment to breathe. Observe your feelings without judgment. This pause allows you to respond thoughtfully, perhaps by asking for constructive feedback or clarifying your perspective calmly. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬: Mindful Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises to centre yourself during stressful situations. This helps in reducing immediate emotional reactions. Reflective Listening: When someone makes a hurtful remark, listen to understand rather than to respond. This can diffuse tension and lead to more productive conversations. Empathy: Try to understand the person's perspective before making the remark. This can help you respond with compassion rather than defensiveness. Break the Cycle. By incorporating these techniques, you empower yourself to respond thoughtfully, breaking the escalating reaction cycle. This improves your emotional well-being and sets a positive example for your colleagues, fostering a more respectful and collaborative work environment. In conclusion, mindful non-reaction is a powerful tool in the corporate world. It enables you to navigate challenging interactions gracefully, enhancing your personal and professional life. Embrace this new approach and watch as it transforms your workplace dynamics. As a coach, I've seen firsthand the transformative power of mindfulness. It elevates your professional interactions and enriches your personal growth. If you're looking to cultivate a mindful approach in your professional life, I'm here to guide you on this journey. Together, we can create a work environment where calm, clarity, and compassion thrive. #MindfulLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #CorporateWellbeing #ProfessionalGrowth #MindfulnessCoaching #CoachSharath

In my journey as a leader, I've often been asked about the powerful emotion of anger. It's undeniable that anger can be a formidable force, but how we harness it makes all the difference. Inspired by the wisdom of Dr. Brené Brown, I've come to appreciate that anger can indeed be a catalyst for transformation in our personal and professional lives. 🔥 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐩 🔥 Far too often, we find ourselves trapped in an unproductive cycle of anger. We get angry at situations, people, or even ourselves, and that anger festers, leading to frustration and resentment. This negativity can drain our energy and hinder our progress, both personally and in the workplace. 💪 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 💪 But what if we flipped the script? What if we could transform that anger into something lifegiving? Here are some ways to channel anger into positive outcomes: #Courage: Use anger as a motivator to face difficult situations head-on. When we're angry about injustice or wrongdoing, it can give us the courage to stand up for what's right and make a difference. #Love: Surprisingly, anger can be a powerful reminder of what we deeply care about. Let it fuel your love for positive change, whether in relationships, personal growth, or social justice. #Change: Instead of stewing in anger, channel it into proactive change. Identify the source of your anger and take constructive steps to address the underlying issues. #Compassion: Remember that others may also be struggling with their own anger. Approach conflicts with empathy and a willingness to understand their perspective. This can lead to more productive conversations and resolutions. #Justice: Use your anger as a call to action. Advocate for justice, equality, and fairness in your community or workplace. Your anger can be the driving force behind positive change. 📚 𝐃𝐫. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐧é 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧'𝐬 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 📚 Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability and shame has been instrumental in helping me understand the transformative power of emotions, including anger. Her research emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our emotions and using them as tools for growth and connection. In conclusion, let's remember that anger, when harnessed and transformed, can be a force for good. It can drive us to be courageous, loving, and compassionate leaders who actively seek positive change and justice. Embrace your anger as a catalyst, and watch how it can lead you to new heights in both your personal and professional life. #EmbraceAnger #TransformEmotions #Leadership #BreneBrown #PositiveChange #mindfulness #influence #impact

Ever snap at a colleague and immediately regret it? You’re not alone. And it’s not a character flaw. Anger isn’t a moral failing – it’s a secondary emotion signaling that something deeper is going on. Like a warning light on your dashboard, it deserves attention rather than shame. Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.” When you feel anger rising at work, try this approach: → Recognize it’s not about the anger itself, but what’s underneath: feeling disrespected, hurt, disappointed, or witnessing an injustice. → Ask yourself: What emotional need isn’t being met right now? → Address the underlying emotion rather than acting from the anger. As a leader, communicating frustration skillfully is critical. Rather than suppressing anger or expressing it unfiltered, acknowledge it while maintaining care for yourself and the other person. What does that look like? If you have an employee who isn’t meeting targets, rather than going in on the offensive, say: “I do need you to know that I am frustrated that these deadlines haven’t been met, but I also want you to know I believe in you and want to help. How can we work through this together?” This balance of high care and high accountability allows you to leverage the signal anger provides without burning bridges or creating fear.

When things go wrong at work, our first instinct is often to get angry and look for someone to blame. It’s human nature. We fear that the finger might get pointed back at us. But what if that instinct is holding us back from actually solving the problem? When I was in my 20s, I read "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. It's no exaggeration to say it changed my life as it taught me not to be ashamed of emotions like anger but also how to navigate those emotions. It's a book I re-read every few years, it's that good. While Lerner's work is primarily focused on women, many of her teachings apply universally. I don't think we spend enough time talking about our emotions in business, accepting that we all have them, whether they are overt or under the surface. Lerner talks about a kind of silent anger which she calls "de-selfing" where we sacrifice our own identity to keep the peace. Consider how destructive and demotivating that can be in the workplace. Lerner also talks about how blame can trap us in a cycle of resentment, preventing growth and real change. She argues that blaming others often serves as a way to avoid dealing with our own feelings and responsibilities. She suggests that when we blame others, we are not addressing the underlying issues within ourselves or the dynamics of the relationship. This doesn’t just apply to personal relationships, it’s just as true in business. When we focus on finding a scapegoat, we miss the opportunity to look at the bigger picture. What led to the mistake? Are there gaps in our processes? Do we need clearer communication? Blame narrows our vision. It stops us from asking the right questions and understanding the deeper dynamics at play. Instead of pointing fingers, turning anger into curiosity can lead to valuable insights. Shifting the conversation from “Who messed up?” to “What can we learn?” creates space for growth and improvement. When we resist the urge to blame and dig deeper, we often find better questions to ask and more productive ways to strengthen our team and business. How do you handle emotion in your organisation? How do you respond to blame? #Leadership #Growth #PersonalDevelopment #Emotion Enjoy this? Repost it to your network and follow me Holly Joint I write about navigating a tech-driven future: how it drives our strategy and culture and what it means for leadership and women.

Making People feel Heard Active listening is promoted widely these days - rightly so. And, how can you go beyond active listening when you need to handle challenging situations. When someone is very angry (especially at you 😊), it becomes challenging to tackle the issue. Recently a colleague was very upset with me for doing (or actually not doing) a task he was expecting me to to do. My gut reaction was to give a snarky reply. Then I suddenly remembered a mantra shared by my mentor. We often tend to go into solution mode and offer our way of resolving the problem. In my experience, frequently, others do not expect you to provide a solution. They just need to feel heard. This is the process I followed: 1.     I imagined the person was in a plastic bubble and his words did not impact me. Had I got triggered and responded angrily, this technique would not have worked. 2. Asked him how he felt and what his thoughts were on the issue. I empathized with his condition. 3. Paraphrased his words, while prefacing with “My understanding is” and re-used some of his words. I also added my perception of his feelings of anger and being upset. Subtly tried to use similar body gestures and pace of voice, without appearing to mimic him. 4. Asked him “Have I expressed you correctly”? If he had agreed, we would have had a common understanding. But when he said “Not really”, I went to the next step. 5. Repeated step 2 of asking him how he really felt and his thoughts on the matter and listened much more attentively. I paraphrased my response again. He felt I had expressed his feelings well. I would have continued this process till he agreed with my interpretation of his thoughts and feelings. By them, the core issue was clear, and my colleague felt himself being heard and was in a position to discuss the issue calmly and logically. In other cases, I have found that the issue has already been resolved at this stage. Being present with the other person and feeling heard is a great gift you can give to others. What technique do you use to handle such situations? Do share in the comments below. #CareerCoach #LifeCoach #Leadership

Insults hurt. Unless ... you know how to handle them. Your response changes everything. Picture this: You're presenting. Someone interrupts, "That's not realistic." Your face burns. Heart races. Everyone stares. The real power isn't in the insult. It's in the gap between feeling and responding. Master it, and you'll master any situation. Here are 8 powerful ways to turn insults into opportunities: 1. Ask Better Questions 💬 "They just called my idea stupid in front of everyone!" ➟ Pause, then ask "Could you help me understand why?" ➟ Let them explain their perspective fully ➟ Watch as defensiveness melts away 💡 Questions shift pressure back to the critic, making them reflect Try: Practice saying "Tell me more about that" in a mirror tonight 2. Rewrite Your Story 💬 "They must think I'm totally incompetent" ➟ Replace "They hate me" with "They might be stressed" ➟ Focus on facts, not assumptions ➟ Remember: It's rarely personal 💡 Our interpretation of events shapes our emotional response Try: Write down one negative thought and its positive alternative 3. Use Smart Humor 💬 "Someone mocked my presentation style" ➟ Respond with light self-deprecating humor ➟ Keep it gentle, never biting ➟ Smile genuinely while delivering 💡 Humor signals confidence and reduces tension instantly Try: Think of one friendly comeback for common criticism 4. Practice SOBER Response 💬 "I react too quickly when insulted" ➟ Stop ➟ Observe your body ➟ Breathe deeply ➟ Expand awareness ➟ Respond thoughtfully 💡 This method gives your rational brain time to catch up Try: Take three deep breaths before responding next time 5. Speak Diplomatically 💬 "I never know how to address disrespect" ➟ Describe the situation factually ➟ Express feelings calmly ➟ Assert needs clearly 💡 Structure provides confidence in tense moments Try: Write down one situation using this format 6. Create Mental Distance 💬 "Insults feel too personal" ➟ Imagine putting the insult in a "Not Personal" bucket ➟ Watch it dissolve ➟ Respond from clarity 💡 Physical visualization reduces emotional reactivity Try: Draw your "Not Personal" bucket and keep it visible 7. Prepare Your Blueprint 💬 "I freeze when criticized" ➟ Have two ready responses: - "Interesting point, tell me more" - "I see it differently because..." ➟ Practice them regularly 💡 Preparation eliminates panic in tough moments Try: Memorize one go-to response today 8. Welcome Challenges 💬 "I dread difficult interactions" ➟ See each insult as growth opportunity ➟ Think: "Great, I can practice staying calm" ➟ Focus on your response, not their words 💡 Mindset shifts transform threats into opportunities Try: Say "This is my chance to grow" next time you're challenged Insults are temporary. Your response is permanent. Which technique will you practice today? ♻️ Repost if this resonated with you! 🔖 Follow me Suren Samarchyan for more.

When a team member jumps to an angry conclusion. You notice the change in body language. Defenses are raised. People either shut down or attack. The situation blocks constructive conversation. Last night I had a great session about conflict with my Executive cohort at NYU School of Professional Studies. We exchanged ideas on preparing for inevitable conflicts at work—how to show up with intention instead of reacting on autopilot. Here’s what stuck with me: ✔ Preparation starts before the conflict. Deep breathing can regulate your nervous system. One slow inhale can stop a bad reaction before it starts. Prepared phrases to de-escalate, set boundaries, and increase understanding. ✔ Body language matters. Open posture. Uncrossed arms. Calm eyes. Signals safety instead of threat. ✔ Your voice is a tool. Lower tone. Slow pace. Don’t match the other person’s energy—reset the room with your own. ✔ Micro-pauses buy clarity. A one-second pause gives your brain time to think. It helps you respond instead of react. ✔ Lead with validation. Try: “I can see this is frustrating.” It doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re listening. Conflict isn’t the problem. Unpreparedness is. If you want to build trust, show up prepared. #marketingleadership #conflict