Encouraging Vulnerable Dialogue

When I kick off the facilitation of a team retreat or at the start of a team coaching engagement, I often start the same way: The ‘penny exercise’ helps people share something personal with vulnerability. Every person receives a penny. Then, I ask them to share a significant event or experience that shaped them into who they are today during the year that is imprinted on the penny, either personally or professionally. I am always amazed at how a team of people who have worked together for some time discovers something new and personal about each other and how people become closer after impactful things are shared. When participants share an important event from their childhood (such as losing a sibling or getting kicked out of school) or from their adult life (such as a painful divorce or feeling lost professionally), they display vulnerability. In the spirit of leading by example, I will always ask the most senior person in the room to kick it off for the team. The vulnerability displayed by the leader is then almost always mirrored by the rest of the team. Sharing with vulnerability at the kickoff builds the base for deeper trust and closer connection within the team and makes for a more productive session. This is very important, but often misunderstood: We don’t need to have trust to show up with vulnerability but showing up with vulnerability is one of the quickest ways to develop trust with your team. 👉 Trust does not come before vulnerability; vulnerability comes before trust! Admitting your shortcomings and mistakes, while scary, is refreshing to your team and plants the seed for trust to grow.

As a manager at Amazon, I had to manage layoffs and support the team members during tough time. But the ones who remained unaffected were looking at me for the company strategy and actions. Did i have all the answers? no Did i pretend I have answers and give false hopes? no 💬 “Aren’t leaders supposed to have all the answers?” I used to think so too. Early in my career as a manager, I believed showing uncertainty would make me look weak. So I pushed myself to always project confidence, even when I was unsure. But here’s what actually happened: • My team felt I wasn’t approachable. • They hesitated to share their own doubts. • We missed chances to collaborate better. The turning point came when I openly admitted in a meeting: 👉 “I don’t know the answer to this yet. Let’s figure it out together.” Instead of losing credibility, something surprising happened: • My team leaned in. • People spoke up with ideas. • Trust deepened. That’s when I learned: vulnerability is not weakness. It’s leadership authenticity. Even during layoffs, I openly told them what I knew and also made them part of the ride. Instead of giving sugar coated answers and false promises about bright future, I showed them the future I will ensure for them. The results - I had zero attrition in my team even though org was facing major attrition due to hncertainity - team was motivated by the vision I had, and were fully committed to make that a reality - the team got opportunities to work on strategic bets and not just do the minimum to save the job. Here are some practical ways to practice vulnerability at work: 🔹 Admit mistakes openly — and share what you learned. 🔹 Ask for help when needed — it creates space for collaboration. 🔹 Acknowledge your limits — no one trusts a “perfect” leader. 🔹 Celebrate your team’s expertise — you don’t need to outshine them. Here’s the paradox: 👉 Leaders who pretend to know everything become less believable. 👉 Leaders who show vulnerability become more relatable, respected, and trusted. 💡 My biggest lesson: A leader’s job isn’t to be flawless. It’s to be real. Over to you — have you ever seen vulnerability strengthen (not weaken) a leader’s influence? #leadcode #rohitsharma #leadership

🔥 While working as a PS project manager, a client escalated concerns about our API integration timeline. Instead of defending our progress, I opened with: "You're right - we underestimated the complexity here, and that's on me." Their response shocked me: "Finally, a vendor who doesn't give us corporate speak." That 10-second admission of vulnerability led to the most productive project meeting we'd had in months. Your instinct in difficult conversations is to appear bulletproof. Project competence. Defend your position. Stay professional. Follow best practices. But that approach creates walls, not trust. The leaders who master difficult conversations do something counter-intuitive: They strategically expose vulnerability first. 1️⃣ Break the Pattern with Disarming Openings Instead of "Let me explain our position..." Try: "I can see this isn't working the way we both hoped it would." Instead of "Our process clearly states..." Try: "I think we missed something important in how we set expectations." These phrases stop the defensive spiral before it starts. They signal you're here to solve problems, not win arguments. 2️⃣ Address the Fear Behind the Complaint Your client says: "This project is behind schedule." The unspoken fear: "My boss thinks I chose the wrong vendor." Your response: "I'm guessing the delays are making it hard for you to update your stakeholders with confidence. That's on us to fix." You've just shifted from defending timelines to solving their real problem. 3️⃣ The Trust-Building Scripts That Work → "Help me understand what success looks like from your seat." → "What would need to happen for you to feel confident about this project?" → "I want to own the parts of this that are genuinely our responsibility." → "Tell me more about that." (Use this when they express frustration) Each phrase creates space for honest dialogue while showing you're genuinely listening. 4️⃣ The Counter-Intuitive Truth About Solutions Most leaders rush to fix problems the moment tension arises. But here's what Harvard Business Review research revealed: 78% of B2B relationship breakdowns occur when vendors rush to solutions before fully acknowledging client concerns. When clients are frustrated, they need validation before fixes. The moment you jump to problem-solving, you signal their concerns aren't worth exploring. Instead, lean into the discomfort: → Let them express the full scope of their frustration → Reflect back what you're hearing: "So the real issue is..." → Only then move to collaborative problem-solving Your client feels understood. You get the complete picture. Trust builds instead of eroding. 💭 What difficult client conversation could you transform this week using these approaches? ♻️ Share this with a tech services leader who needs this today ➕ Follow me for more Professional Services insights that build stronger client relationships

We all have hidden battles. So how can we create a safe space for our team to share theirs? Many of us battle struggles silently, often feeling like masks are the only way to navigate the world. In the past, I faced a personal challenges with severe depression that I kept hidden, from everyone, ultimately leading to a sense of isolation. With time, I learned sharing my struggles was the only way back. I also learned a valuable leadership lesson: As leaders we have a unique opportunity to create a safe space where our team members feel comfortable sharing their burdens and vulnerabilities. Here's my approach: 🗣️ Encourage open communication Let your team know that it's okay to not be okay, and that seeking help is a sign of strength. 💙 Embrace vulnerability Share your own experiences, demonstrating trust and empathy. 🎤 Ask deeper questions Don't settle for surface-level answers. Actively listen and dig deeper to understand what truly lies beneath. Fostering deeper connections and encouraging open communication empowers others to step out of the shadows. Let’s do more of that. #leadership #mentalhealth

In vulnerability lies our greatest strength I was executive coaching Jo, a CEO in the tech industry (name changed for anonymity). She's brilliant, driven, and successful. You expect her to have it all figured out. I immediately sensed guarded body language. Jo spoke about her achievements and goals but changed the subject when asked about her fears and struggles. People are often afraid to show vulnerability. I'm the same sometimes. I hide doubts and insecurities behind a mask of perfection. ↳ Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness ↳ It's the key to true connection ↳ It's the key to real leadership I knew that if Jo wanted to improve her leadership. Embracing her vulnerability would help. So I took my coaching hat off and shared my story. I spoke about starting my coaching business. I talked about feeling imposter syndrome. The doubts, fears, the nagging voice telling me I wasn't good enough - I laid it all out there. I saw a shift in her eyes and shoulders relaxing, and then she started opening up. "𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀. 𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲." That moment of vulnerability changed everything. As Jo shared her struggles, she realized that this is normal. Jo committed to embracing vulnerability. She would do this in her leadership. She started sharing more with her team. She invited them into the process of solving the problems. she listened and empathized more. The impact was incredible. Her team became more engaged. They felt trusted, valued, and connected to a shared purpose. Jo became a better, kinder leader. She inspired loyalty and commitment. Jo is now happy, her team is happy, and they've all moved forward together. Research shows that people see vulnerable leaders as more real, trustworthy, and relatable. They create psychological safety, and cultures of creativity and innovation. They build deeper, more meaningful connections with their teams. As Brené Brown, a famous researcher on vulnerability, once said: → "𝗩𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲. 𝗩𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲. Have you found vulnerability to be your greatest strength? Please share your stories in the comments below - let's learn and grow together. #leadership #coaching #vulnerability #growthmindset  

Vulnerability can feel like removing armor in the middle of a battlefield - exposing what we most want to protect. But in the battle of trust, vulnerability is the ultimate weapon. For many engineers (and leaders), admitting what we don’t know, asking for help, or sharing our true selves goes against everything we’ve been taught. Precision, control, and self-sufficiency are often prized, while openness can feel like a risk - one that might expose us to criticism, rejection, or even failure. But here’s the paradox: The shield we use to protect ourselves also blocks the very things we need to thrive - trust, collaboration, and growth. 🐉 Think about the moments when you’ve truly connected with someone. Was it when you projected confidence and control? Or was it when you shared a struggle, admitted a mistake, or allowed someone to see the real you? This fear of vulnerability also shows up in leadership. Many engineers hesitate to step into leadership roles, fearing they’ll be “exposed” as inadequate. But leadership isn’t about having all the answers - it’s about creating an environment where others feel safe to be vulnerable too. That’s where true strength lies. 🐲 Dragon Wisdom: Courageous Conversations for Clarity 💚 Identify a situation where you feel misaligned or unclear - with a colleague, a leader, or even yourself. 💚 Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness. 💚 Use “I” statements to express your perspective and intention. 💚 Listen with the goal of understanding, not just responding. Removing your armor doesn’t make you weak - it makes you unstoppable. 💪🏿🐲 How has vulnerability strengthened your relationships or leadership? Share your thoughts below! #GenuineConnections #InnerStrength #CourageousLeadership

I remember once sitting on a flight having a benign conversation about work with my seatmate when a finger tapped me on the shoulder. A feisty blond woman said she heard me mention SoulPancake. She wanted to tell me how our content affected her, especially as she navigated a hard period in her life. She was flying home to say goodbye to her mom, who was passing away. She was a mess. It was awkward. But it happened that I had just lost my granddad. I leaned in. And we were suddenly messes together on a random short-leg Southwest Airlines flight. Needless to say, Shay Bolton and I became fast friends. We have had spa days together (see photo), she was there when my husband proposed, I hired her to help with our new office search, and even after she moved to NYC, our unicorn bonds stayed tight. A moment of awkward discomfort led to a vulnerable, meaningful connection and a friendship that I treasure. And that's a formula I find repeats itself again and again: Discomfort → Vulnerability → Connection Meaning, there's no way to form meaningful connections without being vulnerable, and vulnerability requires a level of discomfort that most of us don't enjoy experiencing. So next time someone asks, ‘How are you?’, perhaps consider a response besides "I’m fine." "I’m busy." "I’m good, just a little stressed." Perhaps consider actually saying the uncomfortable thing. Stuff like, "My dad just got diagnosed with cancer. He's my best friend, and I don't know what to do." Or "I'm struggling with infertility, and I just want a baby, but maybe it's not in the cards for me." Or, in my case: "I feel uncertain about my career and a bit confused professionally - I'm just not sure what the universe is trying to tell me." It's uncomfortable to say out loud the really hard things. We are afraid that people will lean away, wave their hands, and say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a lot that you just put on me." Some people may. But we won't find people willing to lean in, like my friend Shay, unless we are willing to risk that uncomfortable sense of uncertainty. Who is someone you have a connection with, thanks to the discomfort of being vulnerable? #Discomfort #Vulnerability #Connection

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐥; 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲. If your team doesn’t trust you, they won’t tell you the truth. And if they don’t tell you the truth, you can’t lead. Building trust isn’t a soft skill. It’s a strategy, one that directly impacts communication, accountability, and performance. When I’ve led high-performing teams, trust wasn’t something we hoped for. It was something we built deliberately. Here’s how I do it: 🔹 I invite disagreement. If my team feels like they can’t challenge my thinking, we’re not innovating—we’re just complying. 🔹 I own my mistakes. The fastest way to build psychological safety is to model humility. If I get it wrong, I say so. That gives others permission to do the same. 🔹 I follow through. Trust erodes quickly when leaders don’t do what they say. Small follow-ups build big credibility. 🔹 I advocate for my team behind closed doors. Even when no one sees it, I make sure they know I’ve got their back. That kind of support builds loyalty you can’t fake. 🔹 I show my struggles. When something’s tough, I say so. When I’m overwhelmed, I share it. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s connection. When my team sees that I struggle too, it opens the door for honest, human conversations that lead to real support and solutions. When a team trusts you, they’ll bring issues forward before they explode. They’ll collaborate more, support each other better, and take more ownership because they know the foundation is solid. Trust isn’t optional—it’s operational. And it’s foundational to the way I work now as a fractional leader and consultant. To make an impact, I need the truth from teams, from stakeholders, from data. That only comes when trust is built quickly, deeply, and intentionally. If you're struggling to get your contracts in order, or your procurement is out of control, I'm here to help you get your team aligned and your processes in place so you are effective and efficient. Reach out if you need help. Follow me if you want to see more tips. #Leadership #TeamDevelopment #PsychologicalSafety #Trust #EmpatheticLeadership #OperationalExcellence #VulnerabilityInLeadership #FractionalLeadership #Consulting