Enhancing Interpersonal Understanding

I've noticed a trend where people listen just to respond, which is far from ideal. Whether in meetings, events, or casual conversations, dealing with people who don’t listen is both challenging and frustrating. I’ve seen this countless times, and I've become adept at recognizing when someone is no longer truly engaged, even if they're physically present. Why does this happen? ➊ Lack of interest ➋ Short attention span ➌ Habit of multitasking ➍ Assuming they already know the answer Whatever the reason, this lack of focus hampers meaningful conversations and leaves others feeling insignificant or unimportant. When you don’t truly understand, how can you connect or find the right solution? ---> Takeaway Listen to genuinely understand what others are saying. This means striving to grasp the speaker's perspective and emotions, not just crafting a response. In workplaces, this kind of listening is transformative. - Leaders who listen understand their teams better. - Teams that listen collaborate more effectively. It's the secret to fostering a supportive and innovative work environment. How to listen to understand? - Be fully present. - Acknowledge the other party's point of view. - Ask open-ended questions to encourage elaboration. - Use emotional intelligence to interpret non-verbal cues, body language, and tone. - Employ pauses and silence to give the other person time to reflect and respond. The benefits of listening to understand are immense: - Fostering empathy - Deepening mutual respect - Building genuine connections - Enhancing problem-solving and collaboration So, the next time you're in a conversation… Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen. You might be surprised by the insights you gain and the connections you build. #Empathy #Communication #Leadership

Are there #mentalHealth and psychology methods you use in everyday life or your professional routines to be more effective? We often find that tools and strategies borrowed from clinical settings provide outstanding hacks for increasing our #emotionalintelligence and interpersonal skills in general as well. 👇 Here's one I often use with my clients. "Noticing" has become relegated to something we unconsciously do. I believe it's time we are more intentional about it. Identify and name what's going on. Then we can better know what to do about it. We have found that this frames certain management situations in a new way that lend more toward leadership development. Since it begins with meeting OURSELVES where we are at before trying to arrive at any judgment, it is also a very effective means of lowering anxiety in all kinds of situations. ✨ It works equally well and the family, in the community, and in the workplace. This certainly helps us know the difference between things that are ours to change and those which we are better just accepting. It is our own internal preparation before we find anything to say out loud. 👉 N.O.T.I.C.E. N Neutrality Establish a baseline state, neither "Default Mode" nor stimulated. Recognize potential internal biases to remove. O Observation Be the "reporter". Just observe. Resist the urge to judge or intervene. Simply collect data that may be pertinent. T Think - about external /reverse perspective What is the environmental context? If it involves another person as the focus, imagine their perspective looking back. I Implications Using imaginative empathy, hypothesize on potential impacts if the state remains unchanged. C Curious Ask nonverbal internal questions that investigate what may not be apparent, or what things we do not yet know, and need investigation. E Express Validate the condition in some way. A verbal demonstration that denotes acceptance, and relatability, at the same time. __________________________________ Dr. Christopher Deussing, DSW, LCSW, C-DBT, Allison Whitmore, LPC and I talked about this one together on the Integrative DBT & Psychotherapy LLC podcast "THE TALKING CURE", and we are having another session solely for the purpose of developing this further to co-author publishing more on it in the future. 😉 Please consider this open for public comment, as we would love to hear your views as we consider practical applications. #communityWellness -

Last week, I had the privilege of facilitating a three-day leadership training for all the managers and directors of a local government agency. The day our training began, I received heartbreaking news: a family friend had died by suicide as a result of a workplace issue. The tragedy was a gut-wrenching reminder that what happens inside our organizations—and inside our people—matters deeply. It reinforced why I begin almost every leadership training with the foundation of the Step into Your Moxie® Vocal Empowerment System: developing a strong Inner Voice. When leaders don’t understand or tend to their own inner dialogue—or the voices that dominate their team members’ internal narratives—employee engagement, performance, and well-being suffer. Sometimes, the consequences are far worse. So, in this training, we lingered longer than usual on self-talk. We explored: What voices hold the mic in your head, especially during uncomfortable moments? How does that internal chatter show up in communication and leadership with team members? What do you think the people you lead say to themselves, especially when they make a mistake, receive feedback, or feel overwhelmed? And then we got practical. When we transitioned into a module on coaching direct reports through a performance improvement plan, we began with empathy mapping. Because we had spent time building intrapersonal awareness, participants were able to go deeper, to look past surface-level behaviors and identify fears, assumptions, and narratives driving their employees’ actions. We talked about how to do this in the real world, especially during 1-on-1s and more formal coaching moments. We talked about how to take these insights into everyday leadership. Participants identified the importance of: -Beginning 1-on-1s with a genuine check-in—asking how people are really doing, and gently probing when someone’s initial answer feels surface-level. -Shifting from “How do I fix this?” to “Where does this person need support?”—and staying open to the idea that what people most need may not be more training or resources, but to feel seen and heard. -Removing isolation and building trust—by creating consistent space for honest dialogue, leaders reduce stigma and strengthen the foundation for positive mental health at work. When leaders prioritize presence over perfection—and connection over correction—they help rewrite the internal narratives that so often go unchecked. This is how we create cultures where people not only perform better, but also feel safer, stronger, and more human at work. Because sometimes, the most powerful leadership skill we have is helping someone shift the voice that says they’re not enough or that they’re alone as they navigate tough times.

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE, YOU'RE LOCKED IN A STALEMATE, OR A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IS ON THE LINE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TURNING IT AROUND. The right communication framework fosters understanding, strengthens relationships, and drives powerful results within your team. Both personally and professionally, effective communication is key to successful teamwork, conflict resolution, and collaboration. From construction to finance, from fashion to family offices, my high performance clients master the skills to navigate the toughest conversations and transform them into their biggest breakthroughs. And here’s how you can do it too: 1. FRAME THE POSITIVE INTENTION: Start with shared goals. Establish a shared purpose to align your conversation positively and maintain the focus on optimal outcomes. ➡️”We both want [a positive, uplifting relationship].” “This is about us being [happier, more productive].” A positive start encourages cooperation and a safe space for communication. 2. DESCRIBE THE OBSERVABLE: Present facts without emotional interpretation. Focus on specific events or behaviors rather than feelings. ➡️ “When [specific event] happened, I saw [specific observation].” Stick to observable facts and avoid personal interpretations to keep the conversation neutral. 3. SHARE THE FEELING: Express your emotions without blame. Own your feelings without blaming others, and invite the other person to share theirs. ➡️“We both feel [emotion].” “I feel [emotion] about [situation].” Take ownership of your feelings. Express them without pointing fingers and encourage others to do the same. 4. REQUEST THEIR PERSPECTIVE: Invite input and collaboration. Ask for the other person’s perspective to gain insight into their viewpoint. ➡️“How did you see that?” “What did you observe?” Listen actively and be open to hearing the other person’s thoughts, fostering mutual understanding. 5. MAKE THE ASK WITH BENEFIT EXTENSIONS Propose mutually beneficial solutions: Offer choices that meet both parties' needs. ➡️ “If [action] occurs, we would feel [emotion] and [emotion].” “Here are two options that work for me…” Present two acceptable options to empower the other person to contribute to the solution. 6. WORK TOGETHER TO BUILD A CONSENSUS Collaborate on finding the best solution: Work together to determine the best course of action and express appreciation when a decision is made. ➡️ “I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this. I’m glad we agreed on [decision].” By applying my effective communication framework, you foster open, respectful communication that builds trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to team success. And the great news is that you can use this both personally and professionally! I’m curious… ~When was a time that you needed this framework in your life? #future #communication #success

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Pulitzer-prize winning author Charles Duhigg about his book #Supercommunicators for an Amazon Talk podcast! Charles shared many profound insights about how to foster greater human connection and understanding--something that is more important than ever in our uncertain and rapidly-changing world. Here are a few highlights that resonated with me: ✨ 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘁: This was such good news! We all have the capacity to be supercommunicators, and these skills can absolutely be learned and applied more broadly. As Charles put it, "Super communication is not an inborn trait. It's not like some magical skill. In fact, it's a skill that all of us have and that we use it sometimes." 🧠 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 – 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹: Mind blown! Effective communication leads to "neural entrainment," where our brain activity, breathing patterns, and heart rate literally synchronize. This builds greater trust and understanding, making information exchange almost secondary to the interpersonal connection. 🗣️ 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗺𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆: We're often juggling practical ("What's this about?"), emotional ("How do we feel?"), and social ("Who are we?") conversations. Knowing how to diagnose which is happening and matching the other person is key to supercommunication. ❤️ 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: This was a huge "aha!" moment for me. When someone is engaged in an emotional conversation, they're looking for understanding, not necessarily for you to solve their problem. Empathy is the goal. 🤝 𝗠𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁: Sharing a little vulnerability and having it reciprocated creates a lot of connection and trust. It's the most powerful way to build rapport. 👂 "𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴" 𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁: Asking a meaningful question, repeating back what you heard in your own words, and then asking if you got it right genuinely shows you're listening. This makes others more likely to listen to you in return. 💡 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 "𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽" 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: Moving beyond surface-level questions to explore values, beliefs, or experiences can unlock much richer connections. Instead of "Where do you work?", try "What are you most excited about working on?" Our ability to communicate truly distinguishes us as humans and dramatically impacts our happiness, health, and success. I hope you all tap into your inner supercommunicator in the days to come! 👉 What is something you do that helps you communicate effectively? Please share in the comments.