Balancing helping others with maintaining network trust

"Put your own oxygen mask on first" In every pre-flight briefing, we’re told to help ourselves before helping others. It’s sound advice at 33,000 feet… but in our day-to-day work, especially in consulting, we often do the opposite. In consulting, we meet two archetypes early in our careers: ↳ The Selfless Consultant: always available, always saying “yes,” the first to volunteer, the last to leave. ↳ The Self-Prioritising Consultant: sets firm boundaries, guards personal bandwidth, sometimes perceived as “less committed.” Over time, you realise both archetypes can succeed, and both can fail. The danger is living at either extreme: → Pure selflessness can lead to burnout, lower quality output, and dependency from others. → Pure selfishness undermines trust, team cohesion, and client relationships. Psychology and anthropology tell us humans are hardwired for altruism. Research from Leeds Beckett University and Georgetown University shows our brains often respond to others’ distress instinctively, sometimes before we even think. That's why I love Tony Milligan’s concept of “moral mediocrity”: most of us aren’t Gandhi or Mandela, and we don’t need to be. The real skill is finding balance. In consulting, that balance plays out in three truths: 1️⃣ Selflessness builds trust. Staying late to help a teammate, stepping in during a client crisis, these moments create loyalty and credibility. 2️⃣ Self-care sustains performance. Burnout serves no one. A consultant running on empty delivers lower-quality insights and risks long-term effectiveness. 3️⃣ Self-awareness guides the trade-off. The best consultants know when to give, when to protect their bandwidth, and when to walk the line between both. For consultants, the strategic question is not “Am I selfless or selfish?” but “What choice allows me to deliver the greatest long-term impact?” Sometimes that means staying late to help the client in a crunch. Other times, it means logging off, resting, and returning sharper the next day. In the long game, sustainable altruism beats either extreme. That’s how you serve clients and protect the consultant delivering the service → YOU. #Leadership #Mindset #Consulting ------------------- I write regularly on People | Leadership | Transformation | Sustainability. Follow Surya Sharma.

Connections That Matter – Beyond Transactional Networking #5: Nurturing Relationships: Networking is Building Trust, Not Just Asking for Favors Many people treat networking as a transactional exchange—they reach out only when they need something, then disappear until the next time they need help. But real networking is about trust and long-term connections, not just one-off requests. A Personal Story: Two years ago, I helped a young man with his job search. - I helped tailor his resume and cover letters. - I sent him job leads. - He landed interviews, and I coached him through them. - When he got an offer, I advised him on negotiation strategies. ✅ He got the job. He thanked me… and then? Radio silence. Fast forward 3 years later, I suddenly get a message from him: "Hey Khristine, can you share your calendar link? I have good news!" I was intrigued—maybe he wanted to reconnect? Maybe he was reaching out just to catch up? We get on a call. He tells me he was recently laid off and is applying for a job at a company where I have strong connections. And then—his real reason for reaching out: "I saw you’re well connected to people at this company. Can you introduce me?" I was dismayed. Another ask. No relationship-building. No check-ins, no updates over the past two years—just another request when he needed something. What’s Wrong With This Approach? 🚫 Treating networking as a one-way street – Only reaching out when you need something weakens trust. 🚫 No effort to maintain the relationship – Not checking in or engaging over time makes the connection feel hollow. 🚫 No reciprocity – It’s not about expecting something in return, but meaningful relationships go both ways. How to Network the Right Way: ✅ Check in even when you don’t need anything. A simple “Hope you’re doing well!” keeps the relationship warm. ✅ Celebrate wins together. Let your mentors and connections know how their advice helped you. ✅ Offer help before you ask for it. Share a resource, a contact, or an opportunity with someone in your network. ✅ Treat networking as relationship-building, not just problem-solving. The strongest networks are built on mutual respect and trust. Networking Tip: If you want a strong network that supports you in future job searches or big career moves, invest in those relationships NOW—not just when you need something. Have you ever experienced a one-sided networking exchange? How do you maintain long-term professional relationships? *** 💡 Want more actionable networking insights? Follow me for strategies on building meaningful connections that stand the test of time. #NetworkingTips #ProfessionalGrowth #RelationshipBuilding #ConnectionsThatMatter 📸 Throwback: Women in Tech Regatta 2020 with Melody Biringer, Zeynep Guler-Tuck and Laura Pasut. We’ve stayed in touch throughout the years since meeting in 2018.

Building a network and activating a network are two very different processes. Ideally, you want to build your network during times when you can give more than you receive. This is when you invest in relationships, offering help, support, and encouragement to others. It’s about being there for people, not because you need something in return, but because you genuinely want to be helpful. Then, when you need to activate your network, whether it’s for advice, opportunities, or support, you’re not approaching people with an empty ask. The relationships you’ve nurtured will naturally come full circle. It’s a cycle of giving and receiving that’s rooted in trust and mutual respect. In my experience, the most valuable connections are the ones built on authenticity and generosity. I’ve found that when you focus on helping others first, it comes back to you in meaningful ways. And when it’s time to ask for help, you feel comfortable doing so because you know the relationship is grounded in mutual value. This cycle (building when you can help and activating when you need help) is what makes a network more than just a list of contacts. It becomes a community of support, opportunity, and growth.

Networking is often viewed as a transactional process—people reach out when they need something, whether it’s a job opportunity, an introduction, or career advice. However, the most effective and meaningful networking is built on the principle of giving before you ask. This approach not only fosters stronger connections but also cultivates long-term relationships rooted in trust and mutual respect. One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to give is through genuine compliments. A well-placed word of appreciation can make a lasting impact, affirming someone’s expertise, hard work, or unique qualities. Acknowledging someone’s contributions, whether by commenting on their recent publication, congratulating them on a professional milestone, or expressing admiration for their work, is a subtle yet profound way to strengthen your network. Many people approach networking with a mindset of scarcity—asking for favors before establishing rapport. While it is natural to seek help and guidance, relationships thrive when they are reciprocal rather than one-sided. By offering value first—whether through insights, resources, encouragement, or even a simple compliment—you set the stage for a connection that is more likely to be meaningful and enduring. Consider the leaders, mentors, and professionals you admire. They are often surrounded by people who want something from them. Stand out by approaching them differently. Instead of leading with a request, lead with appreciation. Share an article they might find interesting, highlight how their work has influenced you, or introduce them to someone who might align with their interests. In the end, the most impactful connections are those that are nurtured with sincerity and generosity. A thoughtful compliment or a small act of kindness costs nothing, yet its returns are immeasurable. Before you ask, give. Not because you expect something in return, but because genuine relationships are the foundation of every successful career. Future Leaders Programme (FLP)

Consider this hypothetical scenario: "If you lose your current job for some reason, what would you do to get into the next job?"   Well, there are several actions you can take – with a sense of urgency, such as:   1.      Updating #LinkedIn profile and explicitly indicating that you are #OPENTOWORK. 2.      Connecting with professionals on LinkedIn who have expressed their #HIRING intent. 3.      Uploading your revised resume to reputable job portals known to you or recommended by peers. 4.      Proactively sharing your resume with contacts within your network. 5.      ‘Employee referral program’ is still a preferred mode of hiring in many organizations; so, reach out to friends and former colleagues to refer your candidature to their current employers. 6.      Customizing your cover letter and resume to align specifically with each job description, recognizing that a generic approach is seldom effective. 7.      Engaging specialized recruiters or headhunters.   While these actions can facilitate the job search process, they may not always result in swift or suitable outcomes. Instead, can you confidently reach out to previous bosses, seniors, or peers for assistance? Would they willingly answer your call and genuinely consider helping you?   This scenario highlights the importance of relationships built on mutual respect and trust. If your answer to the above question is ‘yes,’ it indicates that your personal success at work has made a significant impact on others, paving the way for valuable professional connections.   Spike of networking effort when seeking employment underscores the “opportunistic attitude” undermining the value of relationships founded on mutual respect and trust - qualities that are especially critical when pursuing senior-level opportunities. It is worthwhile to reflect on your attribute of #NETWORKING. “How many of your last ten calls were motivated by a request for assistance?” If every interaction is based on seeking a favour, it diminishes the likelihood of receiving support when truly needed. Conversely, maintaining regular, thoughtful outreach – often, without an ulterior reason fosters goodwill and increases the chances of helpful responses during pivotal moments. In summary, the importance of sustained, genuine networking cannot be overstated. Cultivating relationships consistently - not merely when in need - should be an ongoing professional practice. This is not intended as advice, but rather a reflection on my own practice of regularly reaching out to friends - even without a specific agenda - to maintain connections regarding shared interests and overall wellbeing. I have dedicated at least an hour each week to this habit throughout my career and into retirement, and it has yielded significant benefits and above all – satisfaction, both professionally and socially.

Not everyone is meant to go where you’re going; protect your energy and your vision. In the professional world, much like in life, building something meaningful requires trust, collaboration, and shared vision. Whether it's a business, a project, or a partnership, the people you choose to build with can significantly impact the outcome. But what happens when the foundation you help create is used by someone else to complete their structure? It’s a hard truth: not everyone you work with will have the same level of commitment or integrity. Some may take advantage of your skills, ideas, or hard work, only to abandon the collaboration when it’s time to bring the project to fruition, finishing the structure with someone else. Protecting Your Foundation To avoid such situations, it's crucial to be discerning about who you choose to collaborate with. Shared Values and Vision: Ensure that the people you work with share the same values and long-term vision as you. Misaligned goals can lead to conflicts down the road, especially when the stakes are high. Clear Communication: From the outset, make sure there is transparent communication about roles, expectations, and contributions. When everyone is on the same page, it reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings or misaligned efforts. Trust, But Verify: Trust is essential in any relationship, but it should be balanced with due diligence. Pay attention to how potential partners have treated others in the past. Their history can be a good indicator of future behavior. Legal Protections: When significant investments of time, effort, or resources are involved, it’s wise to have agreements in place. Contracts and legal protections can safeguard your interests and ensure that everyone is held accountable. Know When to Walk Away: If you sense that your efforts are being undervalued or that you’re being taken advantage of, don’t be afraid to step back. Sometimes, preserving your integrity and energy is more important than seeing a project through to the end. True success is built on collaboration where all parties are respected and valued. When you find the right people to build with, those who appreciate and contribute to the foundation as much as the final structure, the results can be extraordinary. However, if you find yourself in a situation where your efforts are being used without acknowledgment or reciprocation, it’s important to recognize it early. Your time, energy, and ideas are valuable—don’t let them be used as mere stepping stones for someone else’s success. In the end, the most fulfilling projects are those built on mutual respect, trust, and shared goals. Be mindful of who you build with, and ensure that every brick you lay is part of a structure that you can stand behind with pride. #ProfessionalRelationships #Collaboration #Leadership #Trust #Integrity #CareerGrowth #BusinessEthics #nimiwrites

Relationships aren't transactions. (Here's why) For years, I thought networking was all about what you can get from others. Yes, some people might treat it that way. But that doesn't mean you have to. My top 3 Networking Tips: • Be Genuine • Offer Help First • Stay Connected You might say: "This isn't for me. I've tried networking, but it never works out." Here’s how you can build a stronger network: 1) Be Authentic: Show real interest in others. People can tell when you're being genuine, and they appreciate it. 2) Give Before You Take: Offer your help or expertise without expecting anything in return. This builds trust and shows you're not just in it for yourself. 3) Follow Up: Stay in touch with people regularly. Send a quick message or share something of interest. Consistency helps maintain relationships. 4) Be Patient: Building a network takes time. Don't rush it or expect immediate results. 5) Find Common Ground: Look for shared interests or experiences. This makes it easier to connect on a personal level. 6) Celebrate Others' Success: Congratulate people on their achievements. This shows you're genuinely happy for them and strengthens your bond. Transactional? Never. Transformational? Always. Don’t do this if you don’t want to build a bigger, better, and stronger network.

Stop the habit of reaching out only when you need help! Building and maintaining relationships is more important than ever in this fast-paced world. However, I've noticed that many people reach out only when they need something, without establishing a meaningful connection first. How can I refer someone I don't truly know? Before considering new connections, I naturally think of those I've already engaged with and built trust over time. Today's message is simple: 👉 don't contact people only when you need something from them. 👉 Invest in your relationships. Let yourself be known in people's lives by providing value, offering your time, and creating a genuine space in their hearts. Here are a few tips to foster meaningful professional relationships: 🤞 Show genuine interest in others' well-being and professional growth. Ask about their projects, challenges, and successes. 🤞 Look for opportunities to assist others without expecting anything in return. Your support will be remembered and appreciated. 🤞 Maintain regular contact with your network. Share valuable insights, articles, or simply check in to see how they are doing. 🤞 Attend industry events, webinars, and social gatherings. Being present and engaging in conversations helps build stronger connections. 🤞 Acknowledge the help and support you receive from others. A simple thank you can go a long way in strengthening your relationships. Remember, meaningful relationships are built over time and are a two-way street. Let's strive to be more than just a contact in someone's network. Let's create lasting connections that add value to both our personal and professional lives. Let's connect if we haven't. #Networking #ProfessionalGrowth #RelationshipBuilding #CareerDevelopment

In most business contexts, but especially in fields like the law, prioritizing others' needs allows you to become a trusted advisor, someone to whom clients turn not only for your knowledge and experience, but also because they feel heard and understood. By genuinely helping others, you naturally attract referrals, new business opportunities and ideal clients. Thus, putting others first creates deeper relationships, builds your reputation and positions you as the first choice. Bob Burg is a strong advocate for the philosophy of "giving first" as reflected in his popular book “The Go-Giver.” He believes that shifting from a mindset of "getting" to one of "giving" is the long-term key. When you put others’ needs ahead of your own, you create a cycle of goodwill, trust and value. One of his core ideas is the "Law of Reciprocity"—the concept that people are naturally inclined to return the kindness and value they receive. When you genuinely help others without expecting a return, they feel an unspoken obligation to support you in the future. This doesn't mean giving away your services for free or neglecting your business goals, but rather offering value, insights or connections that help others succeed. As I often say, “clients don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Burg emphasizes that this approach leads to authentic relationships because people are drawn to those who genuinely care about their success. He contrasts this with the mindset of those who network only to promote themselves or immediately "close a deal." You know what that feels like, right? Ultimately, Burg’s message is that a giving, service-oriented approach to networking builds a foundation of trust and rapport, which, in turn, leads to sustainable business growth. This is achieved by focusing on building loyalty, reputation and deep connections. The most successful networkers focus on these first, knowing that business will follow naturally. Shifting to giving (i.e. providing immense value) is not only personally fulfilling; it’s also the most financially profitable way of doing business while yielding more enjoyment and greater productivity. “The Go-Giver” philosophy is a way of doing business that is designed to add immense value to the lives of others…while being open to receiving great abundance for oneself. To learn more about giving value as your simple intent, let’s talk. #lawyers #profitable #businessopportunity #bskstrategies ********************** 👋 I’m Barbara and lawyers and law firms hire me to show them how to grow and scale their practices, increase revenue and create a pipeline of ideal clients. 👉 Here you learn about: business development, personal branding, storytelling, overcoming imposter syndrome and client retention.

Some of my biggest career breakthroughs have come through networking. But many have the wrong idea of what networking actually is. It isn't just about swapping business cards or connecting on LinkedIn; it's about building real, meaningful connections through the magic of reciprocity. Here are a few personal tips on how to make the most of the power of giving in networking: 1️/ Provide Value to Others It's not about grand gestures, but consistent, small actions that show you're invested. Share that interesting article, drop some knowledge bombs, and watch your relationships grow organically. 2️/ Offer Assistance and Support A little help goes a long way. Share your skills, offer feedback, or just be a sounding board. It's not just about solving immediate problems but building trust and camaraderie. 3️/ Make Meaningful Introductions Connect people in your network who can benefit from knowing each other. Be the bridge that helps others, and trust me, it'll come back to you in ways you can't even imagine. 4️/ Nurture Relationships Through Consistent Engagement It's a marathon, not a sprint. Regular contact, value-sharing, and genuine interest keep the flame alive. A quick message or update can make all the difference. Remember, the power of giving in networking isn't just a professional strategy; it's a way of life. Let's focus on building networks that are not just about us but about creating a ripple effect of collaboration and support. Have you ever had a big opportunity come your way through networking? #networking #business