Managing Emotions During Negotiation

The best negotiator I know is completely silent 70% of the time. Last year she closed $400M in deals saying almost nothing. In high-stakes negotiations, the person who truly understands human psychology wins. Not the loudest voice. Not the biggest title. The one who reads the room. FBI negotiator Chris Voss spent decades getting terrorists to release hostages. Now he teaches business leaders the same principles. And here's what surprised me most: These aren't secret tactics. They're learnable skills. Anyone can become a skilled negotiator. You just need to understand how humans actually make decisions. These 7 techniques are a great starting point. They've worked in life-or-death situations and multi-billion-dollar deals. 1. Strategic Silence teaches patience. Most of us rush to fill quiet moments. But silence creates space for better offers. Practice counting to 10 before responding. It feels eternal. It works. 2. "How" over "Why" shifts dynamics. One word change. Completely different conversation. Try it in your next meeting. Watch defensiveness disappear. 3. Addressing Fears builds trust fast. Name what they're worried about before they do. It shows you understand their position, not just your own. 4. Mirroring is almost unconscious. Repeat their words. They elaborate without realizing it. Simple technique. Profound results. 5. Getting to "No" seems counterintuitive. But "no" creates boundaries. Boundaries create honest dialogue. Real deals happen after "no," not before. 6. Confirming Concerns creates momentum. Summarize their position accurately. They feel heard. Feeling heard leads to flexibility. 7. Listing Objections removes their power. Say their doubts out loud first. They can't weaponize what you've already acknowledged. Every CEO needs this skill. Every leader benefits from understanding it. Every professional can learn it. The question isn't whether you need these skills. It's when you'll start developing them. P.S. Want a PDF of my Negotiation Skills Cheat Sheet? Get it free: https://lnkd.in/dDxE5v3B ♻️ Repost to help a leader in your network. Follow Eric Partaker for more negotiation insights.

How I mastered negotiation before I knew what it was.   Growing up in a rough neighborhood taught me something school never did:   "How to handle conflict."   And not with my fists, but with words.   One of the most powerful tools I learned on my own was “𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴” emotions.   It’s a simple but effective strategy.    By naming the other person’s emotions, you can de-escalate tension and open the door to real communication.   Here’s how it worked for me:   𝟭. 𝗢𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘁𝘀:   When fights were about to break out, I’d say, “It seems like this is about territory, not us.”    Often, that was enough to shift the focus and avoid violence.    𝟮. 𝗔𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲:   During family arguments, I’d say, “It looks like you’re stressed about money, not what I did.”    That turned heated moments into calmer discussions.   𝟯. 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆:   We often felt targeted by police.    Instead of reacting, I’d label their concerns: “It seems like you’re worried about safety.”    That made them see me as cooperative, not a threat.   As I got older, I realized these skills weren’t just survival tactics.    They were 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀.   Here’s why 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 works:    - It helps build trust and opens up dialogue. - It shows you understand the other person’s feelings.   - It shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.   Good labels typically take the form of specific phrases that avoid using first-person pronouns.     Start your sentences with phrases like:     - “It seems like…”   - “It looks like…”   - “You look like…”   For instance:   - "It seems like you're feeling overwhelmed with the current situation."   - "It looks like you're passionate about ensuring quality in the project."   - "You look like you're concerned about how this change will impact your team."   Avoid first-person pronouns in phrases such as:   - "What I'm hearing..." or  - "I think..."    Why? Using "I":   - Keeps focus on them not you - Makes them feel undervalued - Shows you don't have genuine interest in what they have to say.   By mastering the art of labelling, negotiators can create a more empathetic, open, and productive negotiation environment.    Not sure how to master this? DM me and let's have a chat. ----------------------------- Hi, I’m Scott Harrison and I help executive and leaders master negotiation & communication in high-pressure, high-stakes situations.  - ICF Coach and EQ-i Practitioner - 24 yrs | 19 countries | 150+ clients   - Negotiation | Conflict resolution | Closing deals 📩 DM me or book a discovery call (link in the Featured section)

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

“Silence won me the deal.” It was during a high-stakes negotiation workshop. A long polished table stretched across the room, the faint hum of the air-conditioner mixing with the nervous tapping of pens. Coffee cups steamed gently, untouched. Two teams sat facing each other—one eager to sell, the other skeptical, guarded, holding their cards close. Every sentence from the buyers was sharp, deliberate. Every counter from the sellers was rushed, almost pleading. And then came that moment. A buyer leaned forward, narrowed his eyes, and asked: “So… what’s the absolute lowest you can go?” The sellers scrambled. Voices overlapped. Justifications poured out. In their rush to fill the silence, they gave away more than they should have. That’s when I stopped the roleplay and said to the leaders in the room: 👉 “Did you notice what happened? You lost not because of what you said, but because you couldn’t stay quiet.” Silence is uncomfortable. It makes palms sweat. It makes eyes wander. It feels like an eternity. But in negotiation, silence is not empty—it’s pressure. It’s the pause that forces the other side to reveal what they didn’t plan to. Later, I demonstrated. I role-played the seller again. When the buyer asked the same question, I simply looked at him, leaned back, folded my hands… and said nothing. The room went still. Ten seconds of silence felt like a minute. The buyer shifted in his chair, cleared his throat, and then—spoke again: “Well… we could increase the volume if you hold the price.” And just like that, silence unlocked a better deal. After the session, one participant came to me, wide-eyed, and said: “I’ve spent 15 years negotiating. No one ever taught me that my best weapon could be saying nothing.” 🌟 Lesson: Sometimes the most powerful sentence… is silence. Great leaders don’t always win by speaking more. They win by knowing when to let silence do the talking. #Negotiation #ExecutivePresence #LeadershipDevelopment #SoftSkills #CommunicationSkills #Boardroom #Fortune500 #Influence #BusinessGrowth #Leadership

You might disagree with me, but I am sure we are living in an era where human relationships and emotional intelligence will matter more than ever before. Here is why and a concise summary of how to develop your own EQ. Suppliers are prioritising supply to those they have strong, strategic relationships with. It is the human factor that increasingly differentiates. Guess who gets products when there are supply chain shortages. AI will not remove all procurement jobs. Yes, machines will increasingly make more decisions, but only humans can build trust, creativity and added value. Think about your company's business strategy - the board might set your strategy, but how well you get there will almost certainly have significant 3rd party involvement. The better your relationships, the more positive the outcome - e.g. faster, more innovative, better value, etc. In simple terms, emotional intelligence is seeing the situation from other perspectives - supplier, customer, or others. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) was initially developed by Peter Salavoy and John Mayer in 1990.  There are four domains, and here is a summary : 1. Self-awareness - highly conscious of your emotional states, even negative ones—from frustration or sadness to something more subtle 2. Emotional self-management - developing techniques to manage the typical emotions that occur, e.g. bouncing back from gloom to positivity 3. Social awareness - being able to read others and starting from reading the signs about how others are feeling is critical 4. Relationship management - Influencing and guiding others willingly is essential. This is the number 1 differentiator of an outstanding procurement professional vs. an average one. Procurement leaders with strong emotional intelligence will be well-equipped to foster productive relationships that drive success in an increasingly automated world. Procurement leaders who rely on traditional approaches will be increasingly redundant. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions or want to know more, and I would be happy to share more on this topic. I would also love to hear about reading recommendations on this topic.

Conflict in teams isn’t the problem. The real issue? How it’s handled. When emotions run high, our instinct is often to argue, defend, or shut down. But there’s a far more effective approach—one used by FBI negotiators to de-escalate high-stakes situations. 💡 Try the ‘Looping Technique.’ Instead of reacting, reflect back what the other person is expressing before you respond. Example: A team member says: 🗣️ “No one ever listens to my ideas in meetings.” Instead of dismissing or debating, you may say: 🗣️ “So you feel like your input isn’t valued?” This simple shift reduces defensiveness and makes people feel heard. It also creates space for real problem-solving and psychological safety, followed by higher engagement and productivity. 🔎 In my work with high-performing teams, I see this technique transform tense moments into breakthroughs. It leads to stronger collaboration, not deeper divides. P.S.: What other tips do you use to handle conflict in a team? Drop your thoughts in the comments!  --------------------------------- Hi, I’m Susanna. I help leaders and organizations build high-performing teams through psychological safety and inclusive leadership. 🚀 Visit my website to book a free discovery call!

🚨 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘀? Most teams think they have it. I know.. The word 'Self-awareness' has been tossed around like a chew toy - too worn out to grab, too overused to notice. But here's the thing: Old doesn't mean it's not classic gold. After 10 years of working in sales orgs & another 12 working with sales teams, I've watched this pink elephant stomp on more deals than a poor pipeline ever could. Here's the expensive reality when sales pros lack self-awareness in their: 🔹 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 → The lens they unconsciously use to assess prospects. Eg: They instinctively prioritise prospects who ‘look’ successful or come with swanky brand names - assuming they’re the only high-value leads. 🔴 Potential Fall: Missing golden opportunities because they're too busy judging prospects through personal biases. ✅ Move: Coach the team to challenge their own surface-level assumptions. The right prospect isn’t always the most obvious one. 🔹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗣𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 → The internal narratives shaping their approach. Eg: “Let’s get this done in the shortest, most efficient way.” 🔴 Potential Fall: Rushing the process—jumping into selling mode before fully understanding the prospect’s real needs, leading to shallow conversations & lost deals. ✅ Move: Efficiency isn’t just speed—it’s outcome. Train reps to be empathic listeners - not just to gather information, but to connect with emotions. 🔹 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 → The underlying emotions shaping their behaviour. Eg: “If they say no, they’re rejecting me.” 🔴 Potential Fall: A ‘No’ to the product feels like a ‘No’ to them. Instead of detaching, they spiral—dwelling in shame, overanalysing the loss, or get hijacked into a mode of desperation for a quick win. ✅ Move: Detach identity from the deal. Coach teams to build intrinsic self-regard. The best salespeople study the ‘No,’ refine it, & move forward—without dragging their self-worth into it. 🔹 𝗛𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 → The behaviours shaping how they’re perceived. Eg: “Clients matter. Everyone else? Not my problem.” 🔴 Potential Fall: Transactional over relational. They chase deals but neglect non-clients, peers & strategic relationships—making them forgettable, unlikable, and unreferrable. ✅ Move: Likeability is leverage. Train reps to build genuine connections, not just close deals. Being great at sales means people want to work with you again, & send others your way. Case in point? I work with massive sales teams but would only refer clients to the ones I trust & like. Sorry, not sorry. Self-awareness in sales isn’t just about knowing your strengths & weaknesses. It’s about knowing your blind spots before they cost you business. The best sales pros I've met are connectors, listeners, & self-correcting individuals who don’t let their own ego, assumptions, or habits get in the way of a deal. Which point resonates? Share below! 👇🏼 #SalesEQ #Resilience

𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: 𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 As a sport psychologist, I often talk to athletes about coping with negative emotions following an error (e.g., dropped ball, misplaced pass, or a missed penalty), and how their reaction to mistakes is very important. It is important that athletes (and people) don't dwell on mistakes when they are still in the performance situation - reflection can occur later - and manage their emotions quickly to continue performing so that one mistake does not impact the remainder of the performance. This allows them to prepare for the next play or involvement. This video highlights why this is so important - Ronaldo fails to score from a free kick, outside the box, and within a matter of seconds, he has another opportunity to score. If athletes dwell too on a mistake or a setback and don't cope effectively with negative emotions, they may not be ready for their next opportunity. I have researched coping and coping effectiveness among elite athletes for over twenty years, but this is the first time I have considered the speed at which a person can alleviate negative emotions to be critical. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻-𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴? Coping strategies used to regulate emotional distress during a stressful episode are considered emotion-focused coping strategies (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). 4️⃣ 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗘𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗗𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 1️⃣ Recognise how you feel after a stressful incident (i.e., lost point, poor shot, or wrong call from an official). 2️⃣ Accept this feeling. 3️⃣ Deploy an appropriate emotion-focused coping strategy. This will depend on what has happened and the time available to cope, but it could include any of the following:  🌬️ Deep Breathing 🖼️ Re-evaluate or reframe the situation 🙂 Forgive yourself for a mistake 💬 Engage in self-talk 👥 Seek social support 4️⃣ Generate a challenge state to create a positive emotion. Research has shown that challenge states can cause positive emotions (Thompson et al., 2020). Do this by: Focus on what you want to happen during the next point or next play and how you will achieve this. Reference. Mark Thompson PhD, John Toner, John Perry, Rachel Burke, PhD, & Adam Nicholls. (2020). Stress appraisals influence athletic performance and psychophysiological response during 16.1 km cycling time trials. Psychology of Sport & Exercise, (2020), 101682.

A few months ago, I spoke to a project manager who had just wrapped up a client project. Or rather, should have wrapped it up. The project was originally going to be for 8 weeks. Everyone agreed on the timeline upfront, shook hands, and dove in. But then the delays started: • The client needed more time to approve designs. • The vendor supplying key software missed their deadline. • Halfway through, a critical feature needed to be reworked. Suddenly, the "8-week" project stretched to 12 weeks. And the Contract? It had strict deadlines and no room for adjustments. This caused: • Frustration on both sides. • The client was unhappy about delays. • The project manager was penalized for missed deadlines. • The relationship? Completely soured. Deadlines look great in contracts. Because they are clear, concise, and seemingly immovable. But projects don’t exist in a vacuum. That's why things often go wrong: 1. Dependencies Get Overlooked Deadlines often rely on third parties - client approvals, vendor deliveries, or team availability. One missed milestone, and the entire timeline collapses. 2. No Cushion for the Unexpected Tech hiccups, team illness, or surprise feature requests can derail progress. Without a buffer, small issues snowball fast. 3. Rigid Timelines Create Tension When deadlines slip (and they almost always do), the blame game begins. Trust erodes, and disputes become inevitable. 4. The Risk of Penalties Missed deadlines can trigger financial penalties or harm your reputation - even when delays are beyond your control. 5. Misaligned Expectations Rigid deadlines assume everything will go perfectly - which rarely happens. Without clarity on flexibility, both sides end up frustrated. Let’s go back to that project manager’s situation. What if the contract had been different? Because a good contract would have: a) Buffer Periods Built Into the Timeline Adding a 1-2 week buffer to each milestone allows for delays without derailing the project. b) Clear Contingency Plans Specify how delays will be managed - who’s responsible, what adjustments are made, and how costs or timelines shift. c) Defined Flexibility Mention that deadlines may shift due to dependencies or unforeseen issues. d) Shared Accountability Be clear on mutual responsibility - clients delivering approvals on time, vendors meeting commitments, and the team staying on schedule. Imagine that same project manager with a flexible contract: • When the vendor delays delivery, the buffer period absorbs the impact. • When the client needs extra time, the contingency plan kicks in. • And when the project wraps at week 12 instead of week 8, no one is surprised. No penalties. No disputes. No burned bridges. Deadlines are important. But assuming they won’t change? Now you are asking for disaster. —— 📌 If you need my help with drafting flexible contracts for your high-ticket projects, then DM me "Contract". #Startups #Founders #Contract #Law #Business