Crafting A Fundraising Message That Resonates

Most fundraising appeals are too polite. Too indirect. Too passive. Too focused on what 𝘸𝘦 do— instead of what the donor makes possible. If you want more clarity, more confidence, and more response in your writing, start here: 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽. I call it 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗙𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴. And it looks like this: “Together, we help feed people” ➡️ “You feed hungry people” “You are helping provide education” ➡️ “You’re educating children” “With your support, we can offer shelter” ➡️ “You provide shelter to those in need” “Thanks to you, we’re able to offer medical assistance” ➡️ “You’re delivering lifesaving medical care” “Your donations support our advocacy efforts” ➡️ “You’re championing human rights” This isn’t about semantics. It’s about 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. When the donor sees themselves as the one acting, they feel agency. They feel urgency. They feel 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥. So cut the qualifiers. Eliminate the disclaimers. And write like the donor is the one holding the pen. 𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲. What’s one sentence in your next appeal you can rewrite with 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 at the center?

Your fundraising appeals keep failing for one reason. It's not your subject line. It's not your donation page. It's not your ask amount. It's not even your story. It's that you're talking about yourself instead of your donor. Count the words "we," "us," and "our" in your last appeal. Now count "you" and "your." If the first number is higher, you've found your problem. Your donors don't care about your organization's needs. They care about the impact they can make through you. The organizations raising more money aren't writing better appeals about themselves. They're writing better appeals about their donors. They don't say "We need your support." They say "You can change a life." They don't say "Our programs are effective." They say "Your gift creates transformation." They don't say "Help us meet our goal." They say "Your impact will multiply when you give today." Pull out your last three fundraising appeals. Highlight every sentence that focuses on your organization rather than your donor's impact. Rewrite each one to put your donor at the center. Because your appeals aren't failing because of poor technique. They're failing because you've made yourself the hero of the story instead of your donor. Fix that, and watch your response rates transform.

A homeless shelter sends out two fundraising letters. Letter A says: "Your $100 donation provides emergency shelter and meals for someone experiencing homelessness. We serve over 500 people each month who desperately need a warm bed and hot food tonight. The crisis is growing. Please help…" Letter B says: "Your $100 donation helps people like James rebuild their lives. James used our job training program to earn his commercial driver’s license. Within 6 months, he went from sleeping in his car to driving for a local trucking company. Today, he has his own apartment and sends us a holiday card every year…" Which letter gave you more of a gut-level urge to give? Which letter do you think raised more money? If you said Letter B, you’re not alone. And you’d be right. But what’s most surprising is just how much more effective this shift in messaging was: 💰 3x more donors pulled out their wallets. 💰 The average gift jumped from $75 to $134. 💰 Total donations skyrocketed by 400% (!) This insight comes from groundbreaking research from Jonathan Hasford and his team, who call this the “autonomous aid effect.” They discovered that focusing on independence and long-term transformation—not just immediate needs—compels more people to give and give generously. Because when donors give, they want their money to create lasting change—not just put a band-aid on the problem. They’re moved by transformation, not just urgency. So, how can you apply this to your nonprofit’s messaging today? 🚫 Instead of: "Your donation feeds hungry families" ✅ Try: "Your donation helps families grow their own food through our community garden program." 🚫 Instead of: "Help us provide school supplies to children in need" ✅ Try: "Help students like Maria get the tools she needs to become the first in her family to graduate." 🚫 Instead of: "Support our job training program" ✅ Try: "Help determined people learn the skills they need to never need our help again." One homeless shelter in the study recreated their website, emails, and social media around this principle. Their donations have climbed year after year. Now, ask yourself: ❓ Does your website inspire donors to create lasting change—or just solve an immediate crisis? ❓Do your latest fundraising appeal emphasize immediate needs or independence? Crisis or transformation? Dependence or empowerment? This one messaging tweak can transform how donors see your organization—and how much they give. If you’re not 100% sure your messaging is doing this, it may be time to rethink it. P.S. If you want help revamping your messaging to inspire lasting change—and bigger donations—let’s talk. ___ 📌 This is the last of a series of 5 posts for nonprofits and nonprofit marketers about fundraising messaging hacks to kickoff the new year. Comment ME if you'd like me to send you the links to all five posts!